For the past 534 days I have made the choice to be healthy. It has been a hard roller coaster ride but worth the hard work. Then 74 days ago, I got hurt doing what I love most in this world. It took 60 days to figure out what the problem was and 14 days ago, I got the surgery to fix what was wrong. I'm now facing 6 more months of not being able to do what I love most in this world. It hasn't been easy. It's been a daily battle and struggle. In my dreams I am doing what I love. But then I wake up and realize that this is my reality. A harsh nightmare...not being able to do what you love, not being able to express yourself....I'm trapped inside a prison that is my body and the only way out is through....
I have cried and screamed and wanted to quit. I have tried to find inspiration and gratitude in what I have in this moment. I have gotten angry and sad, smiled and fell apart. It's a never-ending battle between me and my body. I have been in the worst pain I have ever sustained. I have sucked it up and dealt with it. I have also had a few "a-ha" moments as well. I have learned a lot about myself and others. I'm realizing just how much I love what I do and how badly I want to get back to my passion.
And so the fight continues. I won't give up. I can't. It's not an option. I will heal. I will get better. And I will be back. I have hope and faith and trust. And I have gratitude. If you are reading this, thank you for helping me get through this. You mean the world to me! LOVE.
"It’s no secret that I push myself, that I love my work and my life, and that I dive headfirst into everything. But, as I said, I’ve learned a few lessons. The first and most obvious one is that when we blind ourselves to what our hearts or our bodies are saying, when we push ourselves past our limits and ignore the red lights going off of the dashboard, we can end up in pretty rough shape.
The other, equally important lesson is that healing and rest is as important a pursuit as anything else in life. I needed to learn to dive headfirst into healing, to get really good at resting—and that doing nothing can be a profound endeavor. I resolve, for this New Year, to be more mindful and aware—to listen more to the messages from my body and my heart. And to become a champion of rest.
Good things are ahead this year, for all of us. I just know it. It’s time to roll up our sleeves, mix the colors in our hearts and boldly touch brush to canvas. It’s time to get started on the masterpieces that are our lives."
-MARISKA HARGITAY (January 2009)-
