I was just looking at this picture, thinking back to last summer. A summer where I was, what I thought at the time to be the top of the world. Now here I sit, one year later, barely able to take a step. Here I sit, one year later, unable to do what I truly love in this world. Here I am 2 days after finding out I have an infection in the lower incision - wiped out, tired, trying to go about a regular routine. But what is regular about my life? I can't walk. I can't bend my knee. I can't dance. I can't flip. I can't fly. I know this is all temporary. I know I will be fine. I know will recover and heal and in the process grow. But in this one moment, I long for that feeling of being on stage, being in the studio, the gym. It's hard to wake up each day knowing that the one thing I really want to do, I can't. Imagine the writer who has no hands, the runner with no legs, the singer with no voice. What it comes down to is, in the words of a very smart 6 year old, "NO FAIR!" I want to scream and yell and break things. Throw a tantrum. But like Mariah Carey once said, "But then...after all the hysteria...everything stopped. There was a moment of peace. I had gained a deeper kind of faith. And I knew it was all part of God's bigger plan for me. So if whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I guess I'm strong."
I have to constantly remind myself that even though this sucks, it could be a lot worse. I am one of the lucky ones. I will recovery. I will dance again. I just have to keep fighting, keep working, and keep holding on. I have to keep marching on. Keep taking my antibiotics, keep pushing through painful PT, and keep going through it. Thanks for sticking by my side. Thanks for the love and prayers and positive vibes. I love you all!
"Sometimes life can be kinda like a rollercoaster ride. It's like you're going along and everything seems cool...
And it's not like you're looking down but you're not necessarily looking up...to see who's really in control.
When I was little I used to be so scared of rollercoasters. But eventually you have to face your fears. Obviously it's no big secret that my life has always kinda been like a rollercoaster. I've had my ups and downs and I've had my moments when it felt like I was being twisted and turned...When my life seemed to be upside down and inside out and every which way...And just when I thought the scariest part was over something even more horrifying would happen.
But then...after all the hysteria...everything stopped.
There was a moment of peace. I had gained a deeper kind of faith. And I knew it was all part of God's bigger plan for me. So if whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I guess I'm strong.
It's kinda like being on a rollercoaster. If you don't get on the ride...you won't experience the adventure."
-Mariah Carey-
