"Survivors don't give up, even in the face of indifference"
-Mackenzie Phillips
So today marks 19 days out of surgery and 79 days since I heard that life-altering tear in my knee. I keep trying to look back on the moment that it happened, trying to figure out what went wrong, what I could've done differently, but then I have to stop. It does no good to go backwards because then I get stuck there. I have to focus on the here and now. There's only NOW.
Like Jonathan Larson wrote "NO DAY BUT TODAY"
I had an awful night last night - LiL Knee was sore and achy and I got only 4 hours of sleep - so today was a bit on the hard side. Trying to do all the PT exercises on such little sleep makes it feel 5x as hard. But I did it. I cried through all 3 sessions but I did it.
As always I am trying to stay positive about everything. But as you know, it's impossible to stay happy 24/7. I get sad. I get angry. I want to give up, throw in the towel. But feelings aren't facts. There is a part of me that loves this challenge. There is that fighter in me that won't give up. The piece of me that longs to dance and tumble and fly again. And I will.
I know I've been a bit knee obsessed and I want to take this time to thank you all for listening, for caring, for supporting me. I still have a long way to go, but one day at a time I'm going to do this and when I make it "Through The Rain" I'm going to be so much stronger.
